I’m not going to lie.
I do like the idea that I can purchase video games without ever
having to put my trousers on. But, then, it is rather obscene
to sell DLC over the internet, which is why I just show up at
GameStop, naked as the day I was born. I’ve gotten a few
complaints for that, but a lot of phone numbers. Skyler, I’m
not avoiding you. I lost your number. My naked body doesn’t have
pockets.
There’s a funny thing
about DLC. Its lifespan is limited by the whim of the developers.
If I go to the store and buy Batman: Arkham City on disc, I
have that game forever. Short of forcing their way into my home and
taking it by force, the developers can never stop me from playing it.
If I made copies and modded my system, I’m even protected from
that. Though, to be fair, if they’re already going as far
as I have them doing in this incredibly ridiculous scenario, I don’t
see why they wouldn’t take the extra effort to destroy every copy
and my system.
However, if I decide to
purchase the game from the internet instead, I still get the
unlimited play time, but only in theory. I mean, if my system
spontaneously bursts into flames, as today’s generation consoles
have been known to do (why did you think the colloquialisms
for these errors always end in “of death”?), I’d be allowed to
download it again at no additional charge...
You can’t always buy
the disc, though, because many games are DLC exclusive. I imagine
this is because the developers already have a secret discontinue
date, a point after which they don’t want people playing the game.
Why do you suppose that is? Do they want to sell it again? Do they
want us, as gamers, to stab them in the genitals with a rusty spoon?
I’d imagine the latter is more probable, considering the facts.
And then there’s DLC
add-on content. Whether you bought your original game as DLC or
actually own the hard copy, the add-on content has to be downloaded,
and usually paid for. All of my previous concerns still apply but,
like the doctor who tried to cure my friend’s migraines with a fork
in his eye, we’re plagued with a whole new set of problems.
For starters, most of
this content is just superfluous. Battle maps, costume changes,
additional cars, multi-player modes, etc. This is stuff that should
have, and probably could have, been included in the original
game, and no sane person would pay extra for. If you ever play
online with someone who has paid for it, smile, nod, and back away
slowly, for this is an incredibly dangerous person and there’s no
telling what they might do to you. Nevermind that it’s just an
avatar on the internet. The internet is serious business. Ever hear
about the Second Life playerwho took a mortgage out on his house to buy virtual property in thegame? ’Nuff said.
When I opened my copy of
Arkham City, I noticed that they were giving me a
complimentary copy of the Catwoman story package. Yes. It was
released at the same time as the game. The code only works once, so
basically, this is a way to make buying a used copy cost the same
amount as a new copy. To call that a scam would not be inaccurate.
People buy the used copy because it’s cheaper. But, this technique
is stealing part of the game from those who buy the used copy and the
difference in price of buying it used is off-set when they have to
pay for what those who bought a new copy got for free. By calling it
add-on content, it’s perfectly legal, however, even if it is
morally reprehensible. It’s practices like this that prove the
point in my last CTD guest article. If they can’t even behave
morally, how can we expect them to programme morals into a game
correctly?
Of course, there are legitimate expansion packs. I gladly paid the
asking price for the Burnout Paradise expansion, Big Surf
Island. While I thoroughly enjoyed it, I’m concerned that it
will one day be discontinued, and I might no longer be able to play
it but, as Ted Kennedy once said to Mary Jo Kopechne, “We’ll,
uh... Drive off that bridge when we come to it, dear.” What? Too
soon? And, you should hear me do the voice I do for that quote. It
sounds... Absolutely nothing like him.
I don’t know about the
other systems, but with the PS3, backing up your digital games isn’t
possible. You can hook up an external hard drive and back up the
“entire” system, but some stuff isn’t going to be backed up.
What gets backed up is your local account information, videos,
photos, music, and game save data. But, there’s an issue with even
that. Some developers lock their save data to only work with one
local account (which doesn’t count if it’s a copy of the account)
or to only work with one particular machine. They claim it’s to
stop cheaters from wrongfully acquiring trophies, but we know that’s
the feces of a male bovine, but I digress. The games still aren’t
backed up. And why not? Because you could just download them again.
Wait a minute. That’s not right. What if they discontinued them?
Well, you should have bought the disc.
There is one redeeming
feature about DLC: Demos. Thanks to free demos, I can see if I like
a game before unloading my wallet on it. Prior to downloadable
demos, all we had were game reviews and rentals. The former is
flawed and the latter still costs money (especially in the latter
days of it). Demos are beneficial to both the developers and the
players. We, the players, now have a risk-free way of deciding
whether or not a game is worth buying. For the developers, the
benefits are twice as good. On the one hand, if we’re not buying
crap, we have more money to spend on good games. On the other, if we
know their games are good, we’re going to buy them rather than
forego the risk. Of course, the idiots who buy everything on hype
remain largely unaffected making the release of free demos risk-free
even to the developers.
I’d love to stay and
bitch some more about DLC, but I have to make a run to the GameStop
where I’m sure they’ll love to see me sans trousers. But, before
I forget, to answer the title’s question, shady scam.
The Ceej
The Ceej is the Writer and Director of comedy short films such as Disciplinary Action, and The Hitchhiker Murderer. Spending most of his time expanding his creative horizons, he has become known for his unmatched versatility, and the ability to turn his hand to almost any creative project. His work can be often found at his personal blog, where his sharp wit and comedic edge can be seen in a multitude of musical parodies, jokes, and political satire.
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